My last 6 weeks in France and as I wait for my boss I contemplate. For a year I have been plotting and planning my expedition to Oman; a culmination of a decade of experiences and thought.
There have been terrific highs, and terrific lows and I will leave feeling content having worked within a small, unique and special team.
I have noticed a habit forming… I find a chap, I like them, I imagine my life with them, I try and please them, I forget what I want, I become distracted. When I can’t give anymore I jump ship and I feel liberated from myself.
The last year was my second jump from ‘home’ London. It was further than the first. Though where is home when it’s a broken one? ‘What are you running away from?’ A city which intoxicates me with desires for what I am not.
I rather think… What am I running to?
Broadening my mind, meeting new people, enjoying my company, pleasing myself, creating new stories, whatever I want. Sometimes lonely but always worth it.
I question all the time: why am I here, what’s my purpose, where do I fit, what’s the point? I have no idea.
I relish in the pleasure my dogs take in the simple things, their excitement on loading the car to travel to an unknown destination, their enthusiasm for everything and everyone. I think I am like them.
Watching the horses graze, I observe their relationships, their boundaries, I try to learn from them.
I don’t know what my comfort zone is or where mine lies. It’s dynamic.
I like routine but I detest it.
Balance is short lived and I am a contradiction.
I’m not sure what’s next for me after my expedition to Oman. I will search for the opportunities as I go, blow with the wind, follow the sun and avoid the rain.